


In which three bros discover a game and play it together for way too long

by Turnouthelights



Category: Homestuck, Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Homestuck - Freeform, Humor, Minecraft, Multi, au where john and jade landed on the meteor, gushers, karkat loves to curse, karkat's romcoms, rated t for cursing, what else do I put here?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-17
Updated: 2015-07-17
Packaged: 2018-04-09 18:38:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4359995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Turnouthelights/pseuds/Turnouthelights
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You hit a cow. It jumps, moos worriedly and then takes off running in a panic. You giggle at the animal as it pushes its way behind other of its kind and generally just goes all over the place for a couple of seconds. You tried to follow it with your mouse, but you ended up losing it when your eyes do that annoying thing where the skin around them scrunch up whenever you smile or laugh.</p><p>You go around hitting every one of the cows once, and watch as they all run around in a wild panic and you have to hold your hand over your mouth to keep from losing it. You wonder if there are other animals in this game, and if there are, if they all do that. You may try to get a herd of them together at some point and just have a hayday with it. That is probably the best idea anyone's ever had playing this game.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In which three bros discover a game and play it together for way too long

==> Be the Windy Boy

You are now the Windy Boy, A.K.A John Egbert.

At the present time, you are bored out of your mind. Also at present time, you are looking through a pile of your crap you pushed out of your sylladex, sitting on your knees with your feet tucked under you, for something interesting to hopefully stifle this boredom. So far the only things you have found are old Gushers boxes (yuck!) and clothes. Why did you have all this in your sylladex, you will never know. Like any other clothing could ever be better than your god tier pajamas (which are completely awesome AND comfortable!).

You continue to dig through this pile of stuff, until you hit something solid. You hope it isn't stale Gushers, because then you will flip off your past self for stuffing these gross things into your sylladex. Which past you would totally deserve.

You poke at the solid object, and find it to be flat and rather large. At least larger than a bunch of stale candy. You wrap your fingers around the edge of it and heave it out of the pile. Huh, an old laptop. Black and sleek, thin and looks like it'd fit in your lap comfortably. You wonder when did you get this and when it found itself into your sylladex. But honestly, you wouldn't be surprised if Jade forced it into your deck at some point, claiming that "you MUST have at LEAST 5 computers on you, at ALL times!".

Well whatever, it was in your sylladex and maybe you can do something with it. You notice a cord connected to it still in the pile, and figure its the battery. You carefully pull the cord out and yep, its the battery. Well, now you can plug it in and snoop around for hours without it dying on you.

You pile the battery and its cords on top of the laptop and pick it up, standing up off the ground. You completely ignore your pile of sticky clothes and go to find an outlet.

==> Be the shouty asshole

You are now Karkat Vantas.

Right now, you're sitting on a sofa with your bro Dave, watching one of your amazing Troll romcoms on your Husktop that is resting on a table in front of you. This is another time you try to get Dave to understand the complexity that is Troll romance and the beauty that is this movie. You'd tell us the name, but its utterly too long for you to bother saying, and besides, you're trying to pay attention to the movie and tell Dave what is happening, since he's asked you for the 5th time what is going on. You swear on your goddamn alternate timeline selves grave that he is just so stupid, you are amazed he knows how to feed himself. You then tell him that very thought.

"Dave, its fucking simple. He's trying to get his Moirail to see he has red feelings for him by building the piles with him, and keep his Kismesis away because she's fucking insane and trying to steal his moirail away. BUT his moirail is obvlious as shit and -spoilers- is falling right into her trap. How the fuck can you not see that?" you explain while facing Dave.

Dave, on the other hand, is slumped down in his seat and just simply shrugs. He keeps his lips in a tight line, before opening his mouth, "Dude hell if I know what's up with your stupid chick flicks. I've thoroughly blocked it out about 10 minutes ago."

You groan. Loudly. It appears this attempt to get him to understand is failing as well. Maybe, just MAYBE, if you dug out one of your more bland movies, you could get him to understand. Something simple, like a plain "I'm red for you and you're red for me so let's be matesprits and fuck" movie. You then wonder if you have the movie with that very title. You'd have to go through your movie pile later.

Before you're able to continue that train of thought or yell at Dave about how completely insufferable he is and how he's wasting your time if he isn't even going to pay attention, a swash of blues comes into your peripheral vision. You turn your head and look over the top of the sofa, seeing John carrying a laptop and looking along the walls.

You watch him for a second, and see his face light up as he sits on the ground and plugs the laptop's battery cord into an outlet. You call out, "Egbert, what in the ever loving fuck are you doing?" He turns his head toward you and smiles "Oh, hey Karkat! Nothing really, just plugging this old laptop I found in my deck in."

You sigh, turn towards your Husktop and press a button, pausing the movie. Dave remains unmoving, not even noticing the movie has stopped. You turn back towards John, "Why the fuck do you gotta do it here? Why don't you go plug that shit in somewhere else?" John frowns at that, and replies "Its just the first outlet I've found! I promise I won't interrupt you and Dave's bonding time or whatever. I'm just bored!" You groan. Again. "Fine nooksucker, but if I hear a single peep out of you I will choke you with that computers battery cable." John has turned back to the now opened laptop now, and simply gives you a thumbs up before returning the hand to the keyboard.

You turn back toward your Husktop and press 'Play'. You sink into the cushion and cross your arms. Maybe the idiot will actually listen and you can watch the rest of the movie in peace. You turn your head toward Dave, and find he's staring straight ahead of him. You notice tiny red and purple words scrolling up on the reflection of his glasses. He has resorted to pestering Rose in his boredom. You'd resort to yelling at him, but the best part of the movie is coming up, so you turn your head back to the screen with a huff of annoyance.

Three minutes pass with no sound from John. But then you hear shuffling leaving the room. Five minutes later, shuffling comes back into the room, and you begin to hear clicking like that from a mouse. You try to ignore it. A few minutes later, you hear a giggle--A very John giggle--and more clicking. You continue to try and ignore it.

Not but two minutes later, you hear a loud snort and then a gasp from behind you. You growl and poke your head up over the sofa again, yelling "What the actual fuck are you even doing, you idiotic bulgemunching excuse for a sentient being??"

==> Be the coolkid

Oh, but you can't be the coolkid! The coolkid is too busy not caring about a troll movie and the fact that his best bro is yelling at his other best bro. He is entirely too engrossed in his conversation with his ectosis for you to be the coolkid.

==> Fine, be John again

That, you can do. You are now John.

As John, you open your laptop, and turn it on. The screen lights up, seeming to only be in slumber. The desktop shows off a bright picture of Skaia, zoomed way out. You think that's a pretty neat background. You move your hand to the mouse pad, before hearing something about a nooksucker and a warning of getting choked with the laptop's battery cord. You simply flash a thumbs up in Karkat's direction before returning your hand to the mouse pad.

Some of the usual Icons sit on the screen -- Pesterchum, an Echidna browser (You figure this really was Jade's because you wouldn't bother using that browser.) -- Same old same old. But wait - There's an unfamiliar Icon. Something labeled 'Minecraft', with a green and brown shitty-looking block sitting over it. That's new, you wonder if its some kind of game?

You hover the mouse over it and double tap the pad. You wait a couple of seconds as a white window named Minecraft Launcher pops up on the screen, with several lines of text you don't understand scrolling upwards across it. A second later, a menu across the bottom appears. Most notably, you see the large "Play Offline" button. On the left side of the button shows a dropdown menu, a button that says "New Profile" under it, and another that says "Edit Profile" next to it. On the right side, there it says "Welcome, gardenGnostic" and under it, "Ready to play Minecraft 1.7.10" with a "Switch User" button under that.

Well sweet! Something to waste some time on. Maybe this'll be a good game. You move the mouse to the large button and click on it.

You wait a few seconds until another window replaces the Launcher window, and the game loads. You first notice the "MINECRAFT" text across the top part of the new window, that has yellow text on the side of it saying "Jeb has great hair!". You don't know who this Jeb is, but you figure he must have great hair. You then notice a few buttons under it. Among those, there is a "Singleplayer" button, a "Multiplayer" button under it, and a "Minecraft Realms" button under that. You don't know what Realms is, so you hover the mouse to the Singleplayer button and click it.

Before you start playing, you realize you don't have a mouse. You think you may need a mouse. What PC game doesn't use a mouse? So you stand up and leave the room to track down a mouse that is not in use.

In your search, you deside to grab a fold out table..thing, from the common room. Its low to the ground like a coffee table, light gray in color with plastic legs. You could easily fit your legs under it and there's plenty of room on top for the laptop and the mouse. Lucky find! So you grab that and find a mouse in a room with a bunch of old computers, and go back to "karkat's movie room".

You settle down next to the laptop and set up the table, move the laptop to it and place the battery on a corner, then plug the mouse in. Yes, you are now ready to play this game. Uh... once you figure out what all these new buttons are for. Man, there sure are a lot of buttons in this game! Longest game set up ever. You move the mouse to the corner of the window and enlarge it, so it fits the whole screen.

A blank space takes up most of the screen, with a set of buttons underneath it. Oh, all these buttons. So many buttons. But luckily most of these seem to be grayed out, all except the "Create New World" and "Cancel" button. Canceling would be counter-productive to your cause of ceasing boredom, so you won't click that. You have only one button to click, so, you do.

Then another menu with buttons pops up. Me oh my, you're beginning to think this is "Button clicking simulator", cleverly disguised as a game that could be potentially fun. Luckily you're bored enough you're going to give this some more time before completely writing it off. So let's see what this menu is all about.

There's a small text input where you guess you name the world, a button under it that reads "Game Mode Survival" with a "More World Options..." under that. You are surprised a game that looks this crappy has so much to it. You deside that what ever the default for this game is is fine, and click the "Create New World" button sitting on the bottom of the screen.

You wait a few moments as various bits of text flash on the screen before settling on a "Building Terrain Loading World", then it loads in. Wow, you are surprised you didn't expect it to be as shitty looking as the rest of the game. You shrug mentally, its not like you really care for graphics. Or at least, you don't care right now. Boredom is a powerful thing.

After you press a few keys on the keyboard, you find that you move with WASD, jump with Spacebar, hit stuff with your left mouse click and open an inventory with E. You also discover what you guess your guy looks like. You think he looks kind of like you! Blue shirt, blue pants, tanner skin, dark hair. If he had the same kind of glasses as you, or any glasses at all, you'd think he's the spitting shitty image of you. And look at that, he has a big smile on his face, too. You think you and this little guy will get along just fine. 

You figure out you can look around by moving the mouse, and start walking. So far, all you're seeing is grass, grass and...more grass. Well not only is this "Button simulator", but its "Walking simulator" and "Grass simulator", too. Whoop.

You almost give up out of just the boredom of walking around, until you see a bunch of four legged things ahead of you. But you also walk painstakingly slow. Its actually starting to get a little annoying to you. So you mess with some more keys until you discover ESC is the pause menu.

MORE. BUTTONS.

Holy shit.

You sigh to yourself and click the "More Options" button, looking to see if there's any other controls or some way to speed up this guy. You click the convenient "Controls" option. A scroll menu pops up. You scroll down, scanning your eyes over the various controls until you see "Sprint". Finally. Its set to something stupid like C, so you set it to F, that you figure, a good key for your hand placement. You click Done, and Back, and then Back To Game. You then press W and F at once, and your character takes off. You arrive at the four legged things (which you find out are cows) within a few seconds. That is a much better pace, you think.

You hit a cow. It jumps, moos worriedly and then takes off running in a panic. You giggle at the animal as it pushes its way behind other of its kind and generally just goes all over the place for a couple of seconds. You tried to follow it with your mouse, but you ended up losing it when your eyes do that annoying thing where the skin around them scrunch up whenever you smile or laugh.

You go around hitting every one of the cows once, and watch as they all run around in a wild panic and you have to hold your hand over your mouth to keep from losing it. You wonder if there are other animals in this game, and if there are, if they all do that. You may try to get a herd of them together at some point and just have a hayday with it. That is probably the best idea anyone's ever had playing this game.

While you fucked with the cows though, the light in the game turns dark. You hardly notice until you see other beings start to spawn in in the distance. You realize the game has a day and a night, and those are probably some nighttime mobs. Cool!

You run from the cows to the closest mob, which happens to be a four legged green thing. It turns to you when you approach, and you hit it. It jumps back, makes a hissing noise, but doesn't run around all crazy. It moves closer to you instead, and you hit it again. You snort as it jumps back and makes another hissing noise. You follow after it when it jumped back, and it starts to flash white. Suddenly, it explodes. You gasp loudly as your character is thrown back, and what replaces the green thing is a sizable hole in the ground.

You jump a moment later when Karkat peeks over the top of the sofa, yelling "What the actual fuck are you even doing, you idiotic bulgemunching excuse for a sentient being??" You look up, surprise written all over your face, and place a hand over your heart. Just Karkat yelling at you alone almost gave you a heart attack!

You take in a deep breath, then breathe it out. Karkat turns around and stands up, stomping over to you. "Didn't I tell you when you came in here that I would wring your neck if you so much as breathed too loudly? Is your think pan really so small and shriveled that you cannot even understand the simple concept of "shutting the fuck up and keeping quiet"?" You can't bring yourself to care about his empty threats, which you know to be empty, because he would never do that. Not like you can't fight him off if you needed to, either, but its never even come close to that.

"Karkat," you start a little breathy, "You nearly gave me a heart attack!" Karkat scrunches up his face and glances at your screen before returning his eyes to you. "How the hell would I do that? All I did was yell at your dumb ass, not unlike usual when you're being incredibly stupid." "Because I'm playing this game and I got blown up, then you yelled at me and it scared me!" You explain. "What the fuck are you even playing?" he questions as he bends down to get a better look at your screen. By now you've scrambled to pause it while he came over, and you turn the laptop a little so he can get a better look.

"Its some game called Minecraft. The graphics are shitty, there are cows and green things that blow up when you get too close." You tell him, and he gives you an odd look. He looks up toward the sofa where Dave remains unmoving still, then back to you. "Is it fun?" he asks, and quickly turns his head elsewhere. You smile a little and nod, though he can't see it. "Yeah! Its really fun."

He sighs and shoves your shoulder, saying "Move your ass Egbert, I'm gonna take a turn." You sort of don't know what to say so you just scooch over so he can sit in front of the laptop. He sits down crossing his legs under the table and takes the mouse in his hand. "You walk with W-A-S-D and you can run with F, and jump with Spacebar. Oh, and you can hit stuff with the left mouse click." You explain to him, though he waves you off. "Please John, I've played games all my life, I can figure out a few simple fucking buttons." You just sort of shrug and watch the screen as he hovers the mouse over Back To Game and clicks it.

Unfortunately, as soon as the pause menu goes away, he's getting attacked by half a dozen nighttime mobs of various kinds. You notice a couple more of the green things, and a couple of things that remind you of zombies, and then spiders. Holy crap. You then realize that these guys are probably All bad guys, and that they probably just attack you if they see you. You make a mental note as Karkat's character dies, to find some kind of shelter next time its night time. He stares blankly at the red Game Over screen that says "You Died!" with a "Respawn" and "Title Screen" button on it.

"Egbert, what the fuck." 

==> Be the coolkid now

Okay, we guess you can be the coolkid. 

You are now Dave Strider, the coolest damn kid anyone would have the pleasure of knowing. Right now, you are finishing up a conversation with your ectosis. You've been hearing several giggles, strings of curses and clicking for around half an hour now. (Or to be more precise, 32 minutes, 15 seconds. Internal clocks ftw.) You're starting to wonder just who is having all this fun without you. Not that you really care, of course; Coolkids like you don't care about stuff like that. But if you can, you think you'd like to join the fun.

You stand up off the couch and smooth out your clothes, then you turn around and shuffle to the source of these noises. You look down at Karkat, who currently has a wicked smirk playing his lips and a giggling John. They seem to be playing some kind of game on a laptop. "Karkat, you should try making more weapons! I bet there's a lot more stuff you can make!" John suggests. "Quiet nookwhiff, don't distract me while I'm culling the fuck out of these green shitstains." he replies.

You narrow your eyes the slightest bit. They are having fun without you. They haven't even noticed you're standing there yet. How dare they not invite you to a game playing fun party. That's like not inviting Britney Spears to the Music Awards, even though she never wins anything anyway and just sits in the audience wishing her career didn't flop like a 300 pound man into a shallow kids pool. 

Okay, that got away from you a bit, but whatever. Your point still stands.

You deside to speak up, as John and Karkat are too involved in whatever they're playing to notice you standing there. "Wow, okay. My two best friends are over here playing some game without me and don't even notice me here or think to invite me to play, I am so wounded right now. John I thought we were bros, what's happened to us? Are we drifting? Are you cheating on me with Karkat? I knew this day would come." Hah, you are actually kind of impressed with how you managed to say all of that in one breath. Pat yourself on the back Dave Strider, you are one long winded motherfucker.

John looked up at you during your rambling, and a light dusting of pink spread across his face as he made an adorable angry pout. "Dave! First of all, I'm not a homosexual so no, I was not cheating on you with Karkat. Second, I'm not a homosexual so we are not dating to begin with!"

You jokingly put a hand over your heart and stare at John incredulously, "John Egbert, you have hurt me. How can you say that? You've been flirting with me since the meteor took off, and I totally saw you smooching a picture of me the other day. You know you are completely Davesexual and pine for my sweet ass all the time, every day." John's face sinks deeper into the red zone, resulting in him covering his face with his hands. You are the master at making John blush like a japanese school girl. It is you.

Karkat sighs loudly before overdramatically smashing a button and lifting his head, glaring at you through his dark bangs. "For fucks sake Strider, I am trying to play a game. Would you shut your overactive, too-happy-to-puke-nonsense-for-its-own-good protein chute and sit the fuck down already? Its so fucking obvious you want to be included that its practically dripping off you in big, disgusting puddles. You can have a turn in five fucking minutes, alright?"

John quickly shoots his head out of his hands and looks at Karkat with a pout, "But Karkat! I only got to play like, 5 minutes earlier! When can I have a turn?" Karkat stares at John with narrowed eyes, "Well too fucking bad dumpass, you're just going to have to wait. You can take a turn after Strider." You smirk a bit, and feel a little bad for John. He did find this game first from what you understand, after all. You raise a hand, "Yo its cool Kitkat. I'll take a turn after John. See what's down with this game shit while Egbert derps his way through it."

John looks at you a little too excitedly and smiles a little too widely. It is only a game, right? "Thanks Dave!" he says a little too loudly. Well there you have it, John "always-super-excited-over-dumb-crap" Egbert. Karkat pinches the bridge of his nose for a moment, "Great, I'm so fucking happy we got that idiotic shit sorted out. Now sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up." You let the smallest upturn of your lips happen for a mere second, then return your lips to their rightful place. You walk over to the other side of Karkat and pat his head. He growls at you and you sit down beside him, crossing your legs.

====>

Hours later, you, Dave and Karkat have swapped out several times, discovering more and more about this game. You've built a decent house, collected some supplies, and have had a great bro bonding time. You even each have your own little area in the house you created; You put up fence in your area and keep a chicken there. Acquiring the egg that made that chicken and getting the others to agree not to kill it after you accidently spawned it inside the house was way too much trouble for you to let it go outside. You also have a large window in the wall, with a door in the middle of the glass. Dave has made makeshift turntables in his area, and keeps a personal chest full of apples and swords. Karkat built a little room with his area; keeping a chest with who knows what in it, with a weird window way too high up to actually be able to look out of it. In the middle of the house is crafting tables, furnaces and double chests stacked to the roof, as a communal area. You're actually kind of proud how well you've been getting along with your two best friends. You're glad no one has tried to burn anything down out of spite for another since you all realized you can set stuff on fire.

You've pestered Jade during the times the others took their turns, telling her about the game and how much fun you're having. She mentioned a multiplayer option, and how you could send the others the files for the game. You think this is a great idea, because you would love to be able to play with all your friends at once! She said she's going to set up the same connection stuff she did when you played Ghostbusters II: The MMORPG for Minecraft sometime tomorrow. That made you super excited! You immediately told Dave and Karkat this, and they agree; That would be awesome.

For now though, you're going to switch out with Dave, since your turn just ended. You're pretty sure you're going to be playing this all night, and probably for the next several days straight.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! This is my first time writing about homestuck characters, and I haven't written anything in a really long time. I hope this is okay!


End file.
